CrankyCakes

I feel so rusty at this blogging thing these days.  Do I even like food anymore?  I mean, really: I’m just as happy to stick a spoon into the peanut butter and munch on it standing at the counter as to eat an actual dinner.  What is happening to me?

But it turns out that I’ve trained these little boys to believe that we do cook and can make anything we want from scratch, even.  So last week when I told Z. that we didn’t have any pizza around to heat up for dinner, he told me, “We just make it, Mommy.”

Oh.  Right.

So we did.  And you likely know that you will never have more enthusiastic kitchen assistants than little boys who are allowed to foam yeast, dump flour enthusiastically into bowls so that it poofs into a dustcloud in the air, and then pound and knead dough.  We agreed to make one with just cheese for E., but Z. told me his would have apple.  And the apple had to go,”UNDER THE CHEESE, Mommy!  Or else it will fall off!”  I started sputtering, talking about how the apple would get nice and brown on the top but wouldn’t really do anything if it was under the cheese.  And then he took a deep breath like he was gearing up to have a cow, and we were looking each other like it was high noon in a western and we were each waiting for the other to go for his 6-shooter … when I came to my senses and realized the apple-over/under-cheese battle was not one worth waging.

They went under gobs of cheddar cheese, and I had some seitan around to use up, which went on top.  And we had a decadent white flour crust because that was all we had around to make it with.  And we ate, happily realizing we had made a Very Good Thing.

Apple Seitan Pizza
Crust adapted from Joy of Cooking, 1997 edition
Yield: 2 12-in. pizzas, about enough for 4 with plenty leftover for the next day’s lunch
Combine in a large bowl or bowl of a stand mixer:

• 1 pkg. (2 1/4 t.) active dry yeast
• 1 1/3 c. warm water

Let sit for 5 minutes or until foamy, and then add:

• 3 1/2 – 3 3/4 c. unbleached all-purpose flour, or a mix with some whole wheat too.
• 1/2 c. ground flax seed (optional)
• 2 T. olive oil
• 1 T. salt
• 1 T. sugar (optional)

Mix by hand or on low speed for about 1 minute to blend all ingredients.  Knead for 10 minutes by hand, or with your mixer’s dough hook, until the dough is smooth and elastic.  Lightly coat the inside of a large bowl with oil, place the dough inside, and turn once so it’s coated with oil on all sides.  Cover the bowl with a damp cotton dishtowel and set aside in a warm place to rise until doubled, about 1 hour.  (An easy way to create a warm spot for rising is to turn on your oven to 350 for exactly one minute, then turn off and put the covered bowl inside to rise.)

Preheat oven to 475.  Grease and dust 2 baking sheets with cornmeal.  If you have a baking stone, place that in the oven to preheat.  Punch down the dough (or not), then divide it in half.  Roll each piece into a ball and let rest under an upside down bowl for 10 – 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, prepare the toppings.   Peel, core and slice:

• 2 apples into thin slices.

Slice into bite-sized pieces:

• 2 cups seitan (or 2 links vegetarian or cooked regular sausage)

Shred 4 cups

• Cheddar or Muenster

After dough has rested, flatten each ball of a dough (one at a time) on a lightly floured work surface into a 12-inch round.  I’ve never mastered using a rolling pin on glutinous dough like for pizza, so I do this with my hands, firmly but gently pushing with the heel of my hand, flattening to get as even a dough as possible.  As each is ready, place on prepared pans.

Spread a thin layer, about:

• 3 T. tomato paste

on each crust, then top with toppings in whatever order won’t make your able-bodied assistant cry.   Bake about 12 minutes, or until cheese is melted and starting to brown a bit in places.

After letting it cool for 5 minutes or so, I like to cut it with kitchen shears, which always surprise guests but are so much easier and better than the usual wheel.  Enjoy, and may you too hear the words, “You two are pizza-making geniuses,” when you sit down to dinner.