CrankyCakes

A few months back I stopped buying veggie burgers because of their cost, and because I had realized that some of these allegedly healthier alternatives were in fact among the most processed foods in the grocery store.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I showed up from a Costco trip one day with vegan patties that had visible peas and carrots in them! I’m surprised that the ensuing retching, screaming and dinnertime indignation didn’t cause the authorities to come take my children away,   I mean, really now.

The missing burgers left a significant hole in our miniscule meal rotation of universally accepted foods.  Z. is off meat, E. didn’t like any of my first attempts at re-creating something good, and since I’m still trying the 2/3-vegan thing, I wanted an animal-free option.

To the rescue came a post by Bex over at howtofeedavegan, a link to Joanna Vaught‘s formula for making great veggie burgers that you can customize to your own taste.

Her recipe combines the correct proportions of protein (beans, nuts, seeds, nut butters), vegetables, wheat gluten, cooked brown rice, and seasonings to get burgers that taste like you want them to, and have a great texture.

I wanted something as burger-y as possible, and knew it also had to look as much like an actual meat burger as possible.  This meant no detectable vegetables or seeds, and so I used her formula to combine:

• 2 c. chopped button mushrooms (I wasn’t splurging on something fancier when I wanted them to be as unobtrusive as possible, but you know your own palate and audience.)
• 1 can black beans, drained (low-sodium is best)
• 3/4 c. vital wheat gluten
• 1/4 c. olive oil
• 2 T. water
• 2 T. Bragg’s Liquid Aminos (I might have used a little more, except that my beans were full-sodium)
• 1 t. smoked paprika
• 1 t. sweet paprika
• 1 1/2 c. cooked brown rice

I started by putting the mushrooms in the food processor and chopping until pretty small, then added everything except the rice, and whirling until very well combined.  I added the rice last as I wanted at least some of it to stay fairly whole for the texture.

The resulting paste was pretty wet, and I was dubious.  But I went ahead and made patties (I ended up with 16, but I see Bex ended up with 6 so you  can decide how big to make ‘em) and cooked them for 20 minutes per side at 375.  They firmed up nicely in cooking (and in fact crisped up a bit, which I might not always want, so I might try a slightly lower temperature next time).

The results?  So yummy!   I served them our favorite ways – on a roll with cheese and mustard and for God’s sake NO VEGETABLES for E., with cheese and a tomato slice for Z., and with mayo, lettuce, tomato and cheese for me.  It was full of flavor, nicely textured, and evoked no retching.

Give ‘em a try and let me (and Joanna and Bex) know what you think.